Caring for a Newborn: It's Kind of a Big Deal

I've recently heard from a few different friends, at home with newborns, who've said variations on the theme "I'm ok, I sleep 3 hours and then feed the baby and then sleep another 2-3 hours, so that's 6 hours of sleep, which is plenty."  No naps?  I ask.  "No, I have stuff to do, and 6 hours is ok.  I feel fine."

Ok mama.  I know you are a superhero.  I've seen you accomplish amazing things.  You are a tough lady.  But this newborn thing, this is different than the other stuff you've done.  First of all, two 3-hour naps is not 6 hours of sleep.  You may feel ok, but you are sleep-deprived.  You are.  6 solid hours a night isn't even really enough when you're taking care of a crying baby all day.  You're not even getting that.  In a few months time, when you come out of this fog, you will realize that it's a fog.

Let's try a test.  Where are your keys?  What did you have for breakfast this morning?  Did it take a normal amount of time for you to answer those questions?  If so, you can skip the rest of this.

I know you just want to feel normal, and go to bed at your pre-baby bedtime, and wake up at your pre-baby wakeup time, and get stuff done around the house like you used to pre-baby.  And you will, in a few months.

But right now is newborn time.  It's not normal, it's not permanent, and you don't have to pretend everything is ok.  You can and should treat yourself like you're severely ill.  If you had a vicious stomach bug, would you go to bed and wake up at the normal times?  Would you get up and clean the house?  No, you'd probably take care of yourself, get as much rest as possible, and wait until you were feeling better before you got back to the normal routine.

That's what you need to do now.  You don't win any contests by going to bed at 11 or washing dishes when you could be napping. Go to bed when the baby goes to sleep and it is dark outside.  That might be 8pm.  You are not lazy.   If the baby wakes at 7am, eats, and then goes back to sleep for 2 more hours, you do that too.  You are not lazy.  Let your partner deal with the dishes and laundry if they can.  Outsource housework as much as possible.  You are not lazy.  You are already doing more housework than anybody else, simply by caring for a baby.  Baby care is work.  It's hard work.  And you should be proud of it and count it as a major accomplishment every day.

You're keeping a baby alive by feeding it every 2-3 hours, changing diapers, and holding, rocking and soothing it when it cries.  Nobody in the world should expect you to be doing anything else right now.  Especially you.