The Golden Moments

I just figured out a new key to parenting happiness. Like all of them, it doesn't last forever, but man when it works, it works.

Yesterday, 10 blocks from home, Mae melted down, as 2 year olds do. Penny did not melt down, but she also didn't vacate the stroller, so that I could cram Mae into it and get home asap. I tried to coax Mae home, and she RAN the other direction, straight toward NYC traffic. I had to chase her down. That made me pretty mad. By the time we got home, I was carrying Mae under one arm, trying to push an umbrella stroller containing a 40 lb kid, one-handedly (which is almost impossible even when it contains nothing but a stuffed animal), and Mae was screaming "PUT ME DOWN" and strangers were looking at me like I was a kidnapper. So, on the scale of parenting happiness, I was pretty much at a negative 100.

We got home, the girls decided to go potty together (Mae has a little practice potty in the bathroom). I was honestly relieved just to get a moment to compose myself alone. I was still really mad. After a few minutes, I heard Mae yell, "Mommy I made poopies!" So I got up with a grumpy moan to go clean the poop out of her potty.

I walked into the bathroom and Penny was up to her elbows in a soapy sink, CLEANING MABEL'S POOPY POTTY. I stood there stunned for a minute. Penny said, "It's ok mommy, I flushed Mae's poop and now I'm cleaning her potty." I said "why?" She said, "Because it makes less work for you." And then my heart basically exploded with love.

Penny has often been a difficult child. She's sensitive and stubborn, has been since birth. Until Mae turned 2, Penny was always the one I expected trouble from. But this last incident. Man, it changed me. It changed my view of her. It changed our entire relationship. And it's lasting. I am living off that one moment, her with soap up to her elbows, cleaning up her sister's poop, making an effort to help out. I don't know when this one will wear off, but it's pretty powerful.

And that's how you make parenting work. You save those little moments that make your heart explode. They don't happen every day, but they don't need to. You save them in your visceral memory and bring them back and live them again. Over and over. They're so powerful, so simple, and the next time you feel like snapping, you can dip back into one of them and buy yourself a little bit of generosity, understanding, and patience. It so easy to forget (and so hard to teach) that we, as a family, are all in this together. When a 5-year old reminds you of it, and shows you that she learned it, that's like gold.