Poor O came into my room this morning (he's been going home at night - no need for him to be getting poor sleep here when I have the nurse staff to help me) and I burst into tears when I saw him. I had a rougher night with the babies - R was being a bit uncooperative with the breastfeeding and while I ultimately got her to do it (she just wouldn't latch on), I started thinking about how in the world I'll take care of TWO babies once the extra help leaves, O goes back to work, etc. And it just felt completely overwhelming.
Letter to a New Mom:
Just remember there are a few things working against your emotional composure.
1. HORMONES. That's no joke.
2. Fear of the unknown, massive project you've just started, and the natural feeling of being overwhelmed.
3. The realization that at some point, you are the last man standing on childcare.
It's an isolating, and eventually infuriating feeling and you shouldn't ignore it. One thing that nobody talks about with motherhood is the feeling of isolation that comes with it. Even when people are helping, you're the only one with the boobs. And, totally unfairly, you're also the only one who just underwent major surgery. But when it comes down to it, you're the one taking care of those kids. And they're not very good company for quite some time. So you have plenty of real reasons to be a little emotionally volatile.
Also, don't worry about O. He just got a full night of sleep while you were caring for these kids in the middle of the night. Your tears are totally reasonable, and he knows that. The last thing you need is to worry about O's comfort on top of your kids and your parents and your own competence. It's so hard to do, but try to let go of worrying about how he feels. He's a grown man, he loves you unconditionally, and he can take care of himself. He also knows that you've been through a lot in the last week, and it's his job to help you be comfortable, not the other way around.
Also, don't worry about O. He just got a full night of sleep while you were caring for these kids in the middle of the night. Your tears are totally reasonable, and he knows that. The last thing you need is to worry about O's comfort on top of your kids and your parents and your own competence. It's so hard to do, but try to let go of worrying about how he feels. He's a grown man, he loves you unconditionally, and he can take care of himself. He also knows that you've been through a lot in the last week, and it's his job to help you be comfortable, not the other way around.
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