My immediate boss very unexpectedly announced that she is leaving – her last day here is going to be my c-section date. I think she is likely leaving because our office generally works private sector hours but forgoes that pay and we contend with the kind of inflexible government hours that Anne-Marie Slaughter discussed in her Atlantic piece. Anyway, I had talked to her about taking a bit of time off on the heels of coming back from maternity leave and she was generally OK with it, but now that I’ll have a new boss who has never met me, I’m concerned about my ability to commit to taking time off. There is a bit of weirdness around here about face time and I am already feeling like some people think I am taking more time off for maternity leave than I should – and one of them is the primary boss in my office, who commented to me last week that he’s jealous of the extended “vacation” I am about to take. I had to restrain myself from responding quite harshly that this will be anything but a vacation……
Letter to a Pregnant Friend:
Your boss actually called maternity leave a vacation???? I hope at least you offered a raised eyebrow!! In the wake of all the talk about women in the workplace, I would think that your boss would have the tiniest iota of sense to know that dumping on the work of mothers is A.Not in fashion these days and B.Incredibly insensitive and demeaning to a very productive and valuable employee whose services he certainly wants to keep. He would never dream of calling it vacation if you had to take a few days off to plan a family member's funeral. Because that might offend you so much you would no longer tolerate his insensitive bullshit and leave the company. But taking care of two infants at once? What a breeze! Nobody thinks that would be hard! I've never heard of newborn twins being anything but a total vacation! Hoo. This is making me mad.
Please, if you can't argue your case directly to your boss, at the very least do argue your case to yourself so that you are not even remotely contaminated by this poisonous and degrading thought. You are doing the valuable work of creating and nurturing the next generation of human beings. You are vitally important to the world, AND to the company. If your boss can't appreciate the fact that you are about to take on 2 full time jobs while he complains about his one job, then please dismiss him and his ignorant and lazy thoughts with all the power of your brain. You are doing important work in two places. If he can't understand that, pity his ignorance, and rest in the knowledge that he can't legally fire you.
Please, if you can't argue your case directly to your boss, at the very least do argue your case to yourself so that you are not even remotely contaminated by this poisonous and degrading thought. You are doing the valuable work of creating and nurturing the next generation of human beings. You are vitally important to the world, AND to the company. If your boss can't appreciate the fact that you are about to take on 2 full time jobs while he complains about his one job, then please dismiss him and his ignorant and lazy thoughts with all the power of your brain. You are doing important work in two places. If he can't understand that, pity his ignorance, and rest in the knowledge that he can't legally fire you.
As for the replacement for your immediate boss, I wouldn't worry too much about it until you have reason to worry. For now, try to be optimistic that the replacement will be just as understanding or even more so, and if s/he is not, deal with it then. You can reasonably expect fair treatment from your employer. It isn't a crazy thing to expect.
The only thing I can think of is that you might want to write some kind of memo to the new person, introducing yourself, explaining what you're working on, what you've already accomplished, and what you plan to do on your return, so that you're not just some name of an absent imaginary person.
Also, this is a little riskier, but you can take a note from Anne-Marie Slaughter, and add a paragraph explaining in a very friendly manner that you're having twin girls, you expect to be very busy with them on your leave, and that when you return you will be fully committed to your work and excelling in your career, and that some scheduling flexibility (to account for doctor appointments and child illnesses) will be very much appreciated, and will allow you to offer your best work to the company. In my fantasy world, that's what I would do. It's a proactive approach to demanding what you, as a working mother, really need in order to be the best employee you can be. You then come in to the workplace with that as a baseline, instead of starting with a normal, rigid, unforgiving schedule as a baseline and trying to crack that apart. As long as the new person is not a total douche, it gives you a little more power. Also, I feel like I can be a little more brave in writing, and if the boss has already read a letter like that from you, it'll sort of force you to stand by that request when you meet in person. It also makes you look very confident and in charge of your life, which is always good, especially for a working mom.
The only thing I can think of is that you might want to write some kind of memo to the new person, introducing yourself, explaining what you're working on, what you've already accomplished, and what you plan to do on your return, so that you're not just some name of an absent imaginary person.
Also, this is a little riskier, but you can take a note from Anne-Marie Slaughter, and add a paragraph explaining in a very friendly manner that you're having twin girls, you expect to be very busy with them on your leave, and that when you return you will be fully committed to your work and excelling in your career, and that some scheduling flexibility (to account for doctor appointments and child illnesses) will be very much appreciated, and will allow you to offer your best work to the company. In my fantasy world, that's what I would do. It's a proactive approach to demanding what you, as a working mother, really need in order to be the best employee you can be. You then come in to the workplace with that as a baseline, instead of starting with a normal, rigid, unforgiving schedule as a baseline and trying to crack that apart. As long as the new person is not a total douche, it gives you a little more power. Also, I feel like I can be a little more brave in writing, and if the boss has already read a letter like that from you, it'll sort of force you to stand by that request when you meet in person. It also makes you look very confident and in charge of your life, which is always good, especially for a working mom.
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